The Rules of the Traitor

Time goes by and people change, but this raises a highly debated question: should a person’s sports team alliances change? The diehard sports fan would answer this question with a resounding “no,” while the casual sports fan may be a bit more nonchalant with their rules. The stereotypical guy falls somewhere in between these two extremes and has their own set of guidelines for when it is acceptable to switch your alliances. Here are my guidelines:

• If your hometown did not have a professional sports team within a 100 mile radius and you move to a new location, then you may switch your alliances to the team(s) that calls your new location home.
•  If your hometown did not have one of the four major sports teams, then you may adopt any team of your choosing in that particular sport. In the event of a move, you may switch alliances to the team(s) that calls your new location home.
• If you move to a new location, you may root for the team(s) that calls your new location home, but must root for your original home team in all head to head battles.
• If you move to a new location, you may switch any team alliance to the team(s) that calls your new location home after you have lived in that location longer than your original hometown residence.
• If you move to a new location, you may switch any team alliance to the team(s) that calls your new location home if you have a child in the new location. The bond of a child must always be held in higher esteem than your sports alliance.

By following the above guidelines, any guy should be free of ridicule and torment with regards to their sport alliances. By not following these guidelines, all hell may break loose. By painting your face like the guy below or getting a tattoo of your “new” team after only living in the city for a few years, expect to be called a traitor. Expect to receive some fun loving jabs from those friends that shared beers with you while cheering on your now “old” team.

Fellow fans are like teammates, and it isn’t easy to see someone leave your team and go to another. It’s like seeing your favorite athlete in a different jersey or seeing your ex with a new man (or woman). Switching team alliances can be tough on all parties involved, but a few things are certain. Ridicule and jabbing from friends are going to happen. It’s what guys do. We love to tease. If it’s not about your “new” team, then it will be pointed toward your mom, sister, or declining physique. At the end of the day, guys will always resect what is true. So to all guys, stay true to the teams that are in your heart. Everyone respects people with a big heart!

Coop

Was Fertilizing Ever That Hard!?!?

I am going to start this blog party off with a topic that has started to bug me in the recent weeks. Scotts has come out with a new fertilizing product. The basic idea is that you place a bag of fertilizer on a machine that when locked in place will puncture a hole in the bag so that you can fertilize your lawn. The picture below shows this new fertilizer next to the traditional fertilizer. This seems like a good product. It appears to "save" the operator from having to cut a bag open and dump it into his or her traditional fertilizer. I suppose my main argument isn't with the product itself, but with the marketing genius that is touting this product as making fertilizing simpler. Their commercials claim that this new product takes the guess work out of fertilizing the lawn. Surely everyone has seen this commercial. The couple in the beginning asks the question, "How did we do it last time?" and the Scottish neighbor has his ta-da moment with this new "Snap" fertilizer. "Feedings never been so easy" he claims. Really?!?! Cutting a hole in a bag, dumping the contents of said bag into the fertilizer, and walking around the yard while gripping a handle was difficult?!?!?! If this couple couldn't figure out how to do this last time, they are going to have one hell of a time figuring out the right procedure for this new contraption. Could be a great product, but can we please get a different marketing scheme?

Coop